Been having an interesting experience lately. A couple of girls I’m involved with, emotionally if not romantically, have needed me recently. And each time I’ve been there. And each time I’ve been a secret. Each of these girls has a boy friend and it’s not me. And each of them I’d date but instead I’m just the good friend.

Now, I’m okay with that…to a point. Where I’m having a hard time is that even though I’m there, no one knows what I’m doing. I’m the secret friend. I’m the one who gets denied and asked to leave as soon as the crisis is over.

I don’t know… maybe I’m just feeling a litle sorry for myself. I’m about to leave for Europe and I know it’s gonna be amazing, but let me tell ya, there’s a part of me kinds bummed I’m going alone. There’s another part of me bummed I’m not coming home to someone waiting for me.

When I was growing up, we had a comic strip stuck on the fridge. It was a Frank and Earnest strip and the three panels said, in order,
1) The most important thing in life is to love someone
2) The second most important thing in life is to have someone love you
3) The third most important thing is to have the first two happen at the same time

They should add to number 3 that it needs to be the same person. I’m working on number 3 right now. I have numbers 1 and 2 covered but with different people and you know, it doesn’t work very well. There are girls who like me and girls I like and right now the twain are not meeting.

So I’m a secret with the ones I like and out in the open with the ones who like me and I’m going away by myself.

Just not feeling it right now.

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